trading places

The magical genie of the lamp scenario has crossed the minds of everyone in the world, and no one could convince me otherwise. Rubbing that bottle, being granted three wishes, and living a carefree life is a whimsical and farfetched idea, but a it sure is a good one. I have no idea what I would wish for, but giving my luck everything that I would wish for would be misconstrued and I'd end up on the face of the dollar bill, held by a hobo who is sticking me in the rear end of a sweaty fat stripper. When in fact I wished to 1) made of money 2) live a carefree life 3) and swallowed my women.

BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR!

DIRECTIONS

I would rather drive 30 miles in the wrong direction in a snowstorm than stop and ask for directions. My wife, on the other hand, would rather call me and complain about how terrible my directions are, or how Google must've not updated their mapquest. She once called me, told me she was lost, and when I asked her to tell me a landmark, she said, "Some powerlines, and a dirt road."
Little word to the wise: When travelling, powerlines and dirtroads are the greatest of landmarks.
Look don't be a jackleg like me. Stop and get directions, or be smart enough to follow the blue line on your smart phone.

exercise

I can't stand up straight and touch my toes, so I've never been dumb enough to try a yoga session. But instead, I go eat yogurt because when I hear the word yoga it reminds me of yogurt. I guess to each their own. Happy exercising or happy eating, they both release endorphins so you have no choice to be happy.

I'm Adopted?

My sister used to tell me on a daily basis that I was adopted. I didn't know any better because she was eight years older than me. She would wait until no one was around to remind me of this so I would cry and pout.

In the end, my parents finally informed her she was adopted, and that made much more sense to me, and I laughed and laughed and laughed! Well that's not entirely true, she wasn't adopted, but they did love me more!

Golf

Golf is a wonderful sport, but it's harder than any other sport I've ever tried; except underwater basket-weaving. I appreciate the abilities of the players on the PGA so much more now that I've tried my hand at that sport which caused me to be a foul mouthed demon. In all actuality, who has the time to spend countless hours at the driving range, more tedious time on the putting green, thousands of dollars on clubs and funny looking pants, and most importantly listening to your spouse ranting about all of it.

stuck like that

We have all done things in our lives that we look back on and think, "Man was that stupid." Now that I'm a parent, I see my two little girls doing the same hair-brained things that I used to do. I'm laughing on the inside, but my stern, mad as hell exterior tells a different story. Most times all I can say is, "When did that ever seem like a good idea?" I love my kids, but I love the fact that I survived all those dumb things, in order to laugh and enjoy watching my kids suffer through the same trials and errors. Love your kids, show them you care, discipline when necessary, and the rewards will come back to you exponentionally.

Rod Ryan 104.1

Most morning shows make me change the channel faster than a horror villian chasing a stumbling blond in the woods, but finally I've found the one. I listen to 104.1 The Rock of New Orleans and the Rod Ryan show. I'm a fanatic for stats and I can rest assured that every morning I'm going to hear something like: 78% of men over the age of 25 who drive Pick-up trucks really do prefer boxers over briefs in the winter months, buy only 62.33% of those same men prefer them in the summer. Now that's stuff I like to know. His guest rock and he's not afraid to speak his mind (karrine steffans) if there is a dis needed. Humble but hard; well-spoken yet real But what I really dig about the show is that it's geared with his type of listeners in mind. Rarely do I ever hear them stop themselves from throwing out an explicitive here or there and very often I enjoy by "Tubesday" just by tuning in. I'm not on anyone's nuts but The Rod Ryan Show with his other STARS Theresa, Mark, and Jessica are a dial keeper on an otherwise S-L-O-W morning show day.

Halloween Head

Even though I'm scared of my shadow, I love Halloween. Well, I love the free candy. When I was little right before we were to go trick or treating, my dad put a pair of pantyhose on his head and began knocking on all the windows in the house. To terrified to go outside after that, and unwilling to listen to reason, I lost out on that candy filled night. Now I enjoy walking the neighborhood with my kids and making fun of them when they are too scared to go up to the house with the creepy music. They ask me to hold their hands and go with them, but as bravely as I can, I say, "I would, but if you want that candy you need to go up there by yourself." I proceed to push them up to the door kicking and screaming, but enjoying every minute of it. I hate to admit it, but to this day I'm still scared of almost everything. My wife included! Happy Halloween Week.

Notre Dame and Obama

Why go to a Catholic University and give a speech on abortion? That is kinda like going to a Star Trek convention and making fun of Spock. Not a smart thing to do. You would think that our President, or at least his advisors, would have been smart enough to avoid that one topic. I guess they couldn't think of anything else to talk about at a GRADUATION. How about, "Congratulations on graduating," or "All of those long hours studying has finally paid off." I'm not the smartest guy in the world, but come on. In the end though, we are all fighting the same battle as Americans. I can't say it any better than Rodney King, "Can't we all just get along?"

Dems vs Reps

I love our country more than anything else in the world, but why do our two factions have to be so far apart on every issue we face. We are all trying to gain the same rights and liberties, but the people who run this country can't seem to find common ground on anything. And who does that leave to suffer...the common, tax paying, hard working, everday ordinary citizen. Like the caption says, "Every once in a while, Stickman is glad he lives in Stickland."